Earlier this week an unusual line of analysis came through me. I started to wonder if addiction might be a useful lens for understanding depression. Depression is a profoundly painful experience. But could it be addictive? Could this lens help people move through depression and heal? I am influenced by […]
addiction
42 posts
Recovery is deep workNot a linear process Old clusters of feeling reemergeFeelings too painful to processFar too painful to share in community We act out with spendingWith compulsive sexSeeking some seductive dopamine rushWe find a nexus of ephemeral pleasure A new candidate for our obsession and compulsion And sometimes we use […]
The alchemy of art and painFlowed in the lyrics of Kurt CobainHe was a friend I never knewA man with a shared mental strain The rage in his voiceMy sense of reliefPainting dreadful dysphoriaSharing beauty with me You were a prophet of grungeYou came before my timeAn avatar of a […]
Our scriptures are boldBut barely touch the surfaceOur bond profoundOur chemistry insurgent Your friendship has transformed meYou’ve poured your heart out with ease I’d take a bullet for youNo bullshit–utterly guaranteed A brother and a mentor Straight soldiers, chins up With you, it’s ride or die We are fueled to burn it […]
This is a letterA letter to my dear friendMy spirit brotherMy accomplice and protege We have transformed one anotherOur connection deepening immeasurablyOur journey awakening dragonfireOur quantum minds evolving Now you move in new directionsEnvisioning your futureClaiming prophetic destinyRooted in a solid foundationArchitecture we have created together This poem is a […]
Time is daunting Drugs no longer please Forever young What I once wished to be Hurt left unspokenAgony in my eyesUnmanageable emotionsDrove me back to getting high Since age 15 I’ve dealt with this disease Getting clean in my 20’sA fucking miracle to me From obsession to surrender Tantric energy radiates Relating scarring pasts Alleviating self hate […]
Our chemistry magneticOur style fierce and eclecticOur minds telekineticForging a lineage prophetic This bond awakens emotionsThis deep pulse of devotionWe are blessed and chosenOur destinies interwoven You have shaped me in many waysHelping to heal rivers of painTranscending drugs we craveAwakening imagination and faith We are agents of liberationYour spirit […]
(note: if you are using your phone to read this, use a landscape view to see the formatting clearly) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This quantum bondIts power transforms meCreating lineageCrafting prophecy Navigating this spectrumLaying down the foundationExpanding horizonsRedefining old identities Our kinetic attractionShared neurochemistryCreative quantum synergyA karmic reaction Lessons I have […]
Eyes of painChained to addictionYou died so youngLeaving us with your vision Your music was iconicReconfiguring genresYou carved a tortured pathYou were an agent of karma You left a prophecyAn oracle of liberationImagining evolutionForeseeing transformation Your drug fueled lyricsPermeated by painYou captured why we useGiving voice to our shame Your […]
Until we need it mostWe often do not know how blessed we are I could easily have been killed on January 2, 2025Four young men demanded my winter coat I refusedThey pummelled my head relentlesslyI felt teeth crack I relentedGiving them my Moose Knuckle parkaThey took my coat and bagDriving […]
This is a poemAbout an enigmaA mystery tattooed in blood You are goneYou can no longer speak your truthLeaving us with so much mystery We have a limited public recordMuch of it silent about your sexuality The evidence that you were queerConfined to a brief isolated tweet In […]
These tears we let flowThrough art we createFeeling painful emotionsThat we no longer sedate Loving to numbGetting high was our thingWe chased euphoriaNow we live to stay clean Enchained by addictionWe fled our insecuritiesGripped by toxic shameWe escaped psycho-chemically Now we survive our feelingsOur emotions are psychic fuelAlchemized by […]
You’re not just my friendMy sponsor or my mentorA trifecta of different rolesDiverse to your very core Vessel of virtuous wisdomYou feed my psycheEmbracing neurodiversityTransforming a better me You’ve redefined masculinityTo let the tears flowWhile embracing femininityLetting all shame go The flaws we shareLike the drugs we craveOur pain […]
These highs like cocaine I reject emotional painMy brain got that fix Appearance flaunted in vain Reckless impulsivity Believing myself a higher being Careless of my words Leaving wounds of hurt feelings A vacuum for human energy Festering hysterical powerOverwhelming irritability My paranoia grows louder Delusions fill my head As this world slows around meVoices deranged With evil […]
This is a poem about maniaThe pain of changeThe agony of the caterpillarDissolving to become a butterfly This chrysalis of transformationA fulcrum of microcosmic evolution Evolving from painA butterfly emerges from flamesIn fear of the futureBut with a visceral and potent thirst Commanding and demanding change Migrating to pollinate and […]
Words fail to describeThis manic energy we feelStepping off of that busEnraptured by the gravity of Gotham This is New York CityA mania-inducing metropolisIts rhythm potent and virileIts demons ghostly and feral This feeling ecstatic and restlessThis fervent euphoric dysturbiaI feel powerless to tame this energyBurning with carnal cosmic […]
Your manic eyesOur manic mindsEvolving geniusPsychotic disguise We throb and danceRhythm deep withinThese sparks againArising for the win Inspiring insightManifesting foresightTectonic alchemyCreating spiritual reality Your eyes are magicYour kaleidoscope of colorReflecting intensityConjuring prophecy and destiny I love you like no otherMy protege and spirit brotherWe are architects of a new […]
Tonight I seek guidanceI yearn to knowTo see where I endTo know where you begin I strive to guide youNavigating manic wavesI seek our emergent oracleSacred wisdomAmidst this psychic storm You are my manic angelMy creative protegeMy spirit brotherMy beloved friend Your genius evolvingYour energy manifesting prophecyA prism of […]
I am a lonely soulHeartbeat slow and coldIn my rejection I am aloneToxic fear holds the throne We write by this fireSpirit dissatisfied and wearyFear is dualityBoth captor and protector I fear my desiresAshamed of this lustMy passion is torturedDreams become dust This part that keeps us safeAlso keeps […]
You are my protegeMy sponsee and my friendAbsorbing your magnetic chemistryI feel fierce pride We are a zeitgeistEvolving a lineageCrafting sacred loreConspiring to amplify joy We decolonize psychiatryFusing divergent traditionsMerging shamanic wisdomWith psychotropic precision We balance one anotherStabilizing our ships through stormHitting the club floorOur energy pulsatingReverberating in this kaleidoscope […]
Your voice propheticYour spirit magneticGoth boy fireYour energy electric I look you in your eyesLike I know your painToxins flood your veinsSongs of guilt and shame Trying not to cry too loudWeeping in silenceSearing pain in your gutWords to speak like violence Cocaine lined upHiding deadly secretsLonging to be heardYearning […]
You were in the world but not of itYou told of awful thingsYou created from a cradle of painA dad sized cavity in your spirit What if I could have been your friend?Helping you set boundariesCould you have escaped tragedyThe scourge of fentanylClaiming your life You saw the toxicity of […]
I am hereI should have died I jumped from Key BridgePlummeting into the Potomac RiverThere was ice in the water I should have diedBut I am here I remember jumpingI remember a torrid confluence of emotion Misery, desperation, disconnection Then I remember salvationA man pulled me from the waterAn ambulance […]
We floss and flexWe rise and grindReinventing timeRealigning our minds We share the work of recoveryI feel this fierce prideLoving you like familyOur connection a sacred fire We are disco nobilityEmpowered by virilityDancing with destinyEmbodying artistry Armed with fur and vinylMy pulse acceleratesDressed to killWhat we imagine is real You […]
In this spaceOn this landEnergy flows through meMagic transpires I write in the dark of nightAmidst the rhythms of rainShamanic power conjures the elementsPulsating with the vitality of lifeNurturing an inferno of resilience within The omnisexual erotic unfoldsBodies touch and explodeSensual synergy fuels our spiritsThese sacred truths are all we […]
, When I see youI see nascent joyChained by webs of self-deception When I hear your voiceSometimes I hear honesty and vulnerabilitySometimes evasion and rationalization I feel your potentialI feel your inner struggleI feel you torn in many directionsOscillating between spiritual growth and addiction We write by our riversThey reconnect […]