Earlier this week an unusual line of analysis came through me. I started to wonder if addiction might be a useful lens for understanding depression. Depression is a profoundly painful experience. But could it be addictive? Could this lens help people move through depression and heal?
I am influenced by a book called ‘Existential Kink.’ Carolyn Elliot explores how the subconscious mind actually enjoys patterns we perceive as undesirable. If we are often broke close to the next payday, do parts of us enjoy it? Why do we shuttle between serial toxic relationships? Elliot explores how examining this kink for emotional or material pain can help us release.
So back to depression. It goes beyond sadness, grief, or the sequelae of trauma. In depression, we grow numb. Our feelings are muted.
But is the pain subconsciously comforting? Do we prefer wallowing in self-effacement to risking trying for more and possible failing? Lying in bed all day or numbing out to video games of binging on television become deeply rooted patterns. We may know we should put boundaries on numbing behavior. But that would force us to confront emotions we fear.
Guilt and shame are a big part of depression. But any strong feeling has the potential to be addictive. We can become attached to overthinking and ruminating on what horrible and incompetent people we are. We can protect ourselves from risking emotional rejection or pain but surrounding ourselves in fortified walls of shame.
This is a very speculative essay, and I invite comment, critique, and firm disagreement. I’m not saying that depression is a character flaw or that people can just reach for their emotional bootstraps.
I am saying that exploring the addictive energy of depression may be a useful lens. Maybe exercise can replace a numbing behavior. Maybe writing a poem about your depression can be healing. These are just thoughts. I hope that they are coherent and thought provoking.
Visual art by Christopher G. Kempton: @cgkfineart on IG
–BYPO PHOENIX c)2025
