This is so hard to write
Consumed by pain
A friendship I imagined eternal
Severed and cauterized
I have cried many times each day
For over a month
But I have also found grounding
New purpose and direction
Emotions turbulent
Incongruous
Rays of sunlight
Obscured by clouds of anguish
This is my first reflection
I don’t know where to start
Which emotions to illuminate
Or minimize
Naming the feelings
Consumed by this black hole
Do I share my turbulent process?
Or where I have landed?
Can I let this gaping wound become a scar?
Serving as sponsor and friend
As mentor and co-creator
Among the greatest joys of my life
But impermanent
A massive tree rooted in weak soil
A sacred pyramid with a cracked foundation
For more than three years
We were inseparable
I poured out my life force
Into this vessel
Thinking to secure longevity
But now realizing the truth
This vessel was cracked
I feel lost and hurt
Betrayed and disposable
The pain is overwhelming
Pervasive
I distract myself with my full life
But tears come each day
Like violent emotional clockwork
I see with nascent clarity
So much of what I saw as us
A reflection of the energy I radiated
So many of our visions live
Seeds seeking new soil
Craving the energy of sunlight
Waves on an ocean of evolving creativity
I have my life force back
I choose where to use it
New projects emerge
I have professional focus
Time for family
Time for love
That is truly unconditional
I thought we were twin flames
Two vibrant suns
In quantum entanglement
But one sun, while luminous
Was also a black hole
Consuming my energy
Disrespecting my generosity
Leaving my alone
Naming me disposable
There was codependency
He was absolutely right about this
We were far too enmeshed
I only wish we could have worked through it
But instead I am blocked
Guessing at what lies under the surface
We rolled hard for three years
I imagine I will always hold strands of that love
I will cherish so many moments
However tarnished by this callous end
I cannot give up on love and community
I refuse to be emotionally maimed
To let my trust muscle weaken and atrophy
We shared a potent platonic fire
We created together and shared our lives
We ruled the club floor
VIbing to house and techno anthems
But now I cry
Now I dance alone
art by @miboso on X
–BYPO PHOENIX c)2026
Add a comment