toxic emotions

34 posts

RUPTURE and REPAIR

Friendships are born of loveThey are also born of conflict Your closest people are never yes menYour inner tribe will challenge youHolding you accountableAffirming alignment and integrity There are sometimes fierce conversationsYour ride or die posse will come backProcessing painful feelingsMoving from rupture to repair We are empowered by emotionsQuantum […]

UNSETTLING FACES

Unsettling facesFamiliar truthsFlocks of sheepAnalyzing me I know they judgeTheir eyes tell me soFalse reciprocationCould be so Seeking acceptanceYet quick to judgmentMisunderstoodThoughts repugnant  Master of mind readingSocially repellantA breeding ground for lonelinessSoul left unsatisfied Unhealthy ways of protectionWith fear to changeMy closed minded tendenciesDespondent thoughts deranged  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Visuals art by […]

DISSECTING REJECTION

  I am a lonely soulHeartbeat slow and coldIn my rejection I am aloneToxic fear holds the throne We write by this fireSpirit dissatisfied and wearyFear is dualityBoth captor and protector I fear my desiresAshamed of this lustMy passion is torturedDreams become dust This part that keeps us safeAlso keeps […]

RESURRECTION: a bypo journal

  I am hereI should have died I jumped from Key BridgePlummeting into the Potomac RiverThere was ice in the water I should have diedBut I am here I remember jumpingI remember a torrid confluence of emotion Misery, desperation, disconnection Then I remember salvationA man pulled me from the waterAn ambulance […]

EMBODIED VULNERABILITY

Connecting with you is like fireGenerativePowerful and movingPulsating with Platonic attractionRemembering what it feels like for a boy We live as menDisconnected from our feelingsDisembodiedEnslaved by subterranean emotions We cover our fear with angerWe ignore deeply rooted shameHiding our insecurities behind performative facades Repressing our desire for transcendent loveRepressing our […]

GOTHIC ANGEL

Eyes wide openEyes wide shutYou look deep withinExtending your trust Opening my mind to new cultureTo the zeitgeist of the momentGrounding me in the presentRooted in the path we have chosen I call you gothic angelYou are a protege of prophecyYou churn in potent watersRadiating cosmic chemistry I want to […]

LIBATIONS FOR AN ADDICT

This is raw emotionBarely processed reflexive emotionFeelings swimming amidst violent cliffsLurching in divergent directionsSeeking cathartic expressionSeeking connection We loved youWe loved you fiercelyIf only you could have felt the joy of youThe humility and vulnerabilityThe visceral presence of connection Ultimately there is no logicWe cannot know your final feelingsWe cannot […]

RESILIENCE

I see fire in this paintingStrength born from painI see resilience and perseverance I see the resurgent power of creationPower to remold fateRivers of color modulateChurning with the resilience of imagination I feel my own journey of recoveryReflected in viscous paintSo much loss and betrayalLittering my tortured way I have […]

REMIND ME TO FORGET

MemoriesHaunting meLeaving meNo air to breathe DestinyMysteryHaunting meTaunting me I come to writeI come to witnessHundreds of birdsFlocking to the sunThe day has begunMind and body are one I feel deep painReverberating insideI wish I could forgetI wish I could cry Pain for love lostPainful goodbyesBrutal rejectionTorturing my eyes You […]

VANGUARD GRAFFITI

Colors connive as spirits reviveWe are shackled by trauma locked deep insideWe heal from our pasts and rebuild our livesThe rhythms of recovery dance and collide This magical orange suggests hope and liberationLove and trust reopen gates of imaginationWe find joy in eye contact: intimacy’s foundationThis vanguard graffiti is an […]

TRIFECTA FIERCE

  three sensuous bodies: three celestial auras–we aspire to cosmic connection to honor the rebels who came before us we crave dance floors so fierce that the reigning divas will come to adore us–we crave intimacy and emotional resonance over the addictive forces that long to control us this is […]

TRYING NOT TO FALL

if you see me leave earlyor hesitate to make eye contactif i seem reticent to express too much affectionthat’s just me trying not to fall in love again if i appear caught up in my headstuck between worlds and momentsafraid of my deepest self and its desiresthat’s just me trying […]

RADIANT ROOTS

i imagine myself bathed in lightor held in a luxurious and potent embrace I imagine myself protected by a force field from the terrifying vicissitudes of late stage proto-fascist capitalismprotected by the love of my pixie from the major and minor terrors of our world its been a difficult few […]

AN INTRUSION OF GREY

alone with my emotions, i am wracked by malaise i contend with my demons clothed in varied shades of grey i summon my defenses from near and far away i imagine a present moment where i don’t yearn for what i crave after two years living on dopamine, i am […]

HEXAGONS OF BABYLON

hexagons and lexicons digging deep and dropping bombs striving for freedom singing songs crafting a future that is just beyond orchestrate and stimulate try to never prevaricate build a bridge from satan’s gate copulate and demonstrate species rise and evolve or die empires fall when the enslaved arise corporate power […]

GHOSTS: a riff on the emotional subterranean

echoes of emotion transgress my heart and mind i feel currents of suppressed attraction in confluence deep inside the erratic logic of passion convolutes and overflows i struggle with conflicting desires contorting my soul like a ghost your words still haunt me conjuring aspirations long buried deep visions of angels […]

A SURVIVOR’S MANIFESTO

its been more than three years since i jumped off key bridge almost ending a life that at the time felt so tortured never consciously suicidal i was caught in a visceral panic attack following a dream that felt like a premonition of a torturous shift at the georgetown establishment […]

KARMIC INSURGENCY

whose streets—our streets so said the cops while suppressing speech black lives on trial—neo-nazis on the rise such a toxic miasma of moribund white pride a US base on holy land—a criminal alliance suppressing palestinian dreams—a magnet for arab defiance our world grows smaller—and increasingly imperiled climate change is threatening—our […]

RITES OF FIRE: pyrotechnic meditation

we are slaves to technology—and to the class in control we transcribe a new pedagogy—reclaiming the creative human soul the ancient rites of fire deserve a postmodern rebirth fire destroys but it also gives birth i meditate to flames fueled by wax and harder drugs i will my mind to […]

RADICAL EXORCISM

praying for love and praying for peace praising the sun and craving relief we have miscreants in power—sowing seeds of social death we must resist in this crucial hour—fighting with every sinew and every breath its time to exorcise the demons of white supremacy time to heal the historic wounds […]

KING OF RAGE

ANGEL OR DEMON DEVIL OR SAINT YOU TAKE WHAT YOU WANT RAGE RULES YOUR BRAIN LIKE A MONSTER YOU KILL DISMEMBERING YOUR CROWN CONSUMING YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP DESECRATING SACRED GROUND NARCISSISTIC AND HATEFUL LOST INSIDE YOUR HEAD FOREVER A VICTIM SO RARELY A FRIEND EACH TIME HOPE RETURNS YOU REMIND […]

IMMORTALIZED: a tribute to Gil Scott-Heron

love and rage took the stage speaking truth eschewing fame inscribing pain abusing veins rebel poet living wraith harlem streets never clean seductive highs pure dopamine kick it quit it never sticking rhyme and rhythm ever kicking shining star badly scarred edge of glory gone too far science dropping never […]

A MONSTA RIFF

Monster boy ate my heart Ate my love tore it apart Left me dancing in the dark Bathed in tears like noah’s ark Ate my heart then ate my brain Took my love and gave me pain Sucked my blood and made it rain Cold case love gone insane Te […]

THE SORDID ARCHITECTURE OF URBAN HIEROGLYPHICS

solitude and loneliness make me miss raw happiness angels and demons blood spit and semen pirates and conquistadors show me what pain is for digging in but holding on trying hard but being wrong its a song not a sin lots of gin with oxygen dialectic catalytic preorgasmic analytic cold […]

AGENTS OF KARMA

In the beginning was the word And the word was death Or maybe life or death to all life And ADAMA was born Toy soldier of divine clay Neither man nor woman just fine in its way ADAMA was cleaved in two by fire Lightning strike from Zeus on high […]

Contending with Grey

i feel grey creeping in again melancholy next of kin solitude breeding sin isolation sinking in i long for something visceral to rouse my pulse and shake my skull to give me something new to say respite to pain so dull and grey the world feels bleak and devestating my […]