THE ZEN OF RECOVERY

Here I am: right were I need to be…

This perfect June sky approaching sunset—delicate blues and pinks dancing in the stratosphere

Dancing like we danced in the streets hours ago—celebrating the growing power of the struggle for trans and queer liberation….

This is my first fully clean Pride…

The first Pride without either substances of abuse or the addictive power of self-will demanding that I manifest at the epicenter of everything…

The day went precisely as my spirit world imagined…

I reconnected with old comrades and newer chosen family…

I felt a part of the collective vitality and energy without feeling responsible for any of it…

I need to remember to always challenge myself to keep growing…

Without growth and evolution, I will not merely stagnate, I will regress….

I feel so present—so exquisitely and subtly controlled…

I feel profoundly creative, trusting my inner voice, and trusting my purpose…

Excising drugs from my life has been critical…

But I am plagued with a multifaceted disease of addiction—not simply a problem with substance abuse…

The disease extends its claws through what I spend on my physical appearance…

It rears its claws through irresponsible or compulsive sexual attraction…

It rears its claws in my lingering addiction to trying to be the smartest person in the room…

But I am making so much palpable and tangible spiritual progress…

My family trusts me and I am able to help support our nurturing of my niece and nephew…

This is transformation—both endogenous and indigenous…

This is rooting myself in the now and noticing the seismic strength of my higher power…

Here I am: right where I need to be…

This is a moment of deeply rooted pride and intense spiritual joy…

 

visuals are by SLAVA MOGUTIN >> @slavamogutin on IG or twitter

–BYPO PHOENIX c)2021

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