SOLSTICE HONESTY: a bypo journal

I come to the deep blue black of my river

I come to take my inventory

To get honest

To get radically honest

 

It is the night of the summer solstice

I feel called to illuminate my inner world

Called to reflect our sun’s infinite light

I shine this light on the emotions I wish myself rid of

I shine it on guilt and remorse—shame and blame

 

Rigorous radical honesty is work

But it is also powerful and liberating

I continually catch my addict brain trying to prevaricate

Trying to omit vital information

Trying to exaggerate

Concocting narratives polluted by mendacity

 

I am at a crossroads

I am applying for a professional license

I have had to disclose much of the wreckage of my past

 

The disease of addiction held me captive for most of twenty years

Years littered with arrests, drug testing, and serious ethical transgression

 

I have done my part in this process

I am now powerless

I turn my fate over to my higher power

 

I pray for deeply rooted gratitude for the blessings in my life

For my family’s unrelenting support

For humility and vulnerability

For the open-mindedness required to remain teachable

And for my beautiful tribe of recovering addicts

 

This is my solstice prayer

I pray for the insight to deepen my level of honesty

With others and with myself

 

Radical honesty is potent synergy

Amplifying our capacity to withstand apocalypse

Our capacity to create a radiant and sustainable new world

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

–BYPO PHOENIX c)2022

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