MAGNETIC WATER

It was my first night on the psych ward
I submerged the Bible in the toilet
imagining that I would recreate the sacred text over the course of my stay
I imagined that the water would unearth messages and channel symbols not visible to the naked eye

Floridly manic and coming down from a heavy stream of stimulants–it made perfect sense at the time
this Biblical episode earned me the coveted honor of 24-hour supervision by a health aid until the day of my release

The push and pull of water captivates my mind
I remember summers at the beach when I still felt the unrelenting undulation of the waves and tides while I slept

I somehow felt a deeply rooted connection to the birthplace of life on our planet
a connection to ancestral memories, to middle passages, and to mutinies and revolutions

I remember my suicide attempt seven years ago
The acute anxiety of a panic attack tightened like a vice grip around my neck
so I sought refuge and relief in the frigid waters of the Potomac

Since then when I cross a bridge, I feel a liminal subterranean pull
a blood memory dissolving in the tides

Water carries polarity and channels electricity
ions merge, diverge, and percolate
these mysteries are pregnant with significance for me because Scorpio is a water sign and I am a Scorpio

I feel the power to surge through barricades like a tsunami or submerge a nation in water like a typhoon
or to find the sinuous path of least resistance like a meandering stream

When I was first in the grips of persistent recurring mania, I managed to get myself arrested a lot
I remember molding the contours of mud in a community garden plot soaked with water when I was arrested for indecent exposure

Incarcerated, I remember thinking that if I could somehow flood my cell with water, I could reverse time and open a new temporal portal
so I ruined a nice pair of Miu Miu boots trying to keep the toilet’s water from draining, crafting a postmodern diluvian episode

At the moment, there is an epic storm brewing
rain pummeling my fire altar, wind threatening to uproot trees…
i feel the magnetism of the storm
I feel the aquatic magnetic fire

These are my war stories and my water stories
and I have grown from these lessons

I have learned to see wisdom in the tidal warnings of my elders
I have learned to seek humility and gratitude for the sea’s blessings of abundance

maybe someday I will rewrite the Bible
but I won’t need to consult a psych ward for permission…

-The first image is by @NaiimaLove on IG >> The second is @sateando on IG or twitter

–BYPO PHOENIX c)2021