MAGNETIC WATER

It was my first night on the psych ward…I submerged the Bible in the toilet—imagining that I would recreate the sacred text over the course of my stay…I imagined that the water would unearth messages and channel symbols not visible to the naked eye…

Floridly manic and coming down from a heavy stream of stimulants–it made perfect sense at the time…this Biblical episode earned me the coveted honor of 24-hour supervision by a health aid until the day of my release…

The push and pull of water captivates my mind…I remember summers at the beach when I still felt the unrelenting undulation of the waves and tides while I slept…

I somehow felt a deeply rooted connection to the birthplace of life on our planet—a connection to ancestral memories, to middle passages, and to mutinies and revolutions…

I remember my suicide attempt seven years ago…

The acute anxiety of a panic attack tightened like a vice grip around my neck—so I sought refuge and relief in the frigid waters of the Potomac…

Since then when I cross a bridge, I feel a liminal subterranean pull—a blood memory dissolving in the tides…

Water carries polarity and channels electricity—ions merge, diverge, and percolate…these mysteries are pregnant with significance for me because Scorpio is a water sign and I am a Scorpio…

I feel the power to surge through barricades like a tsunami or submerge a nation in water like a typhoon…or to find the sinuous path of least resistance like a meandering stream…

When I was first in the grips of persistent recurring mania, I managed to get myself arrested a lot…I remember molding the contours of mud in a community garden plot soaked with water when I was arrested for indecent exposure…

Incarcerated, I remember thinking that if I could somehow flood my cell with water, I could reverse time and open a new temporal portal…so I ruined a nice pair of Miu Miu boots trying to keep the toilet’s water from draining, crafting a postmodern diluvian episode…

At the moment, there is an epic storm brewing–rain pummeling my fire altar, wind threatening to uproot trees… i feel the magnetism of the storm–I feel the aquatic magnetic fire…

These are my war stories and my water stories…and I have grown from these lessons…I have learned to see wisdom in the tidal warnings of my elders–I have learned to seek humility and gratitude for the sea’s blessings of abundance…maybe someday I will rewrite the Bible—but I won’t need to consult a psych ward for permission…

-The first image is by @NaiimaLove on IG >> The second is @dooshfag

–BYPO PHOENIX c)2021

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