Letter to Ahmed

You were a pillar of my life

For more than twelve years

I swam in your waters

Guided by a prophetic light


Your conviction was contagious

Your energy visceral

Your power of persuasion electric and magnetic


Now that you have passed

I feel a painful absence

Aching like an excised limb

This transformative project of ours unfinished


I feel pain because I owe you an apology

The end of my time as a comrade and co-conspirator was bitter


But that does not excuse my vitriol

My manic denunciations and protestations

Claiming a Pyrrhic victory

Excoriating you and your tribe


I wish I could tell you now what you meant to me

I wish I could tell you that when I was first floridly manic

On the precipice between genius and psychosis

I first thought of you

Wondering if any in our tradition felt this psychic wildfire


I felt your eyes and your inner fire

Your personality and character were an anchor

Helping me stabilize amidst a sea of dysphoria


I am glad to hear

Through your son

That you found joy in your last years


My heart warms at this knowledge

Amidst all of the turbulent political fallout

You were able to be a loving father and partner

You were able to find your level

Moving through the waters of revolution


In this story

There is both triumph and tragedy

I feel pulsations of regret and empathy


It is always important to see the best in people

Especially so when they pass

Eviscerating the dead is a loathsome endeavor

Sport for the callous, the narrow-minded, and the myopic


I choose to remember you at your best

I choose to remember the comrade i loved and deeply respected

Moments when you wove a tapestry of materialist theory and pulsating emotion

Moments when the tides of your passion moved my spirit and awakened my mind


You gave so much of your life to the struggle

So much of your life to those you loved

Those close to you who loved you fiercely

And those you never met in whose image you fought to create a world


That struggle continues

Carrying with it pieces of your offerings

So in that you live on


You live in our memories

You live through your son

You live in what we do now

You live in my blood water

Crafting the sacred architecture of liberation



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