This is raw emotion

Barely processed reflexive emotion

Feelings swimming amidst violent cliffs

Lurching in divergent directions

Seeking cathartic expression

Seeking connection


We loved you

We loved you fiercely

If only you could have felt the joy of you

The humility and vulnerability

The visceral presence of connection


Ultimately there is no logic

We cannot know your final feelings

We cannot see the turbulent emotions or selective amnesia

Whatever demonic force took you back out

The sea of painful truths and inner torment


But we can mourn and feel

We keep you alive in our hearts

We commit to supporting one another in grief and healing

To deepening the roots of our recovery


While we remember

Eviscerated shards of you remain

No longer a coherent dialectic

But yet a faint approximation of life after death


Your pain and your awareness have left us

But life in all its colors ensues

The loving core of your spirit lives on in all who nurture your memory

You still flow in the interstitial waters of our community


I deepen my resolve to fight for each soul seeking this path of recovery

To share love as fiercely as I wish I could have shared with you


Your spirit and your smile were electric

Your compassion contagious

This night I have struggled to sleep

Churning through so much viscous emotion


With my eyes closed i had a vision

I can almost swear that I saw your face

And I still hear your voice

That warm baritone voice


Reading from the literature

Sharing from the heart

Saying I love you 

So we knew you meant it


I am brutally reminded that this work of recovery is about survival

This is a life and death war over millions of souls

We are thinly clad travelers doing battle with a hurricane

Churning amidst turbulent waters 

An ocean that can either drown us or become our salvation

Offering sustenance and pouring libations


We can make meaning of tragedy

Making our webs of connection wider and stronger

Practicing searching and fearless honesty

Asking the tough questions and sharing our most integral insights


I celebrate that I shared this path with you

I will remember

This is a promise

We will live on and remember


We will give water to seeds in your memory

You are gone and you are still loved

We will remember you

Moving through this complexity and  pain

Your beautiful spirit leaving us far too soon

Lost to turbulent riptides of emotional tragedy


I pour libations in your memory

Letting your spirit move through the spirits I release

You are lost to the riptides of addiction

But your soul still permeates the vital waters of our hearts



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