MAELSTROM: relapse and recovery

Recovery is deep work
Not a linear process

Old clusters of feeling reemerge
Feelings too painful to process
Far too painful to share in community

We act out with spending
With compulsive sex
Seeking some seductive dopamine rush
We find a nexus of ephemeral pleasure 
A new candidate for our obsession and compulsion

And sometimes we use again
Often thinking it will just be this one time
Only to find ourselves in a trap house weeks later

Relapse is a pervasive part of the journey
Sometimes after many years clean

Old temptations feel impossible to resist
We suddenly remember the good times
The seismic rush of that first high
Forgetting the toxic and devastating aftermath

A relapse is a setback
But also an opportunity
A maelstrom of danger and hope

A chance to excavate the anatomy of our addiction
A window into painful and shadowy webs of emotions
Those gorgon knots confounding our underdeveloped tools

When we relapse
We are called to get honest
We need our sponsor
Our networks of fellow addicts

Our higher power speaking through those we love
Our higher power giving us the strength to persevere

There is usually a mountain of guilt and shame
But we arrest the shame spiral by committing to change
By recommitting to radical honesty
Choosing to use the 12 steps
The time tested architecture of our program

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger
The bone breaks and is fortified as it heals
We find deeper alignment between intent and impact
We surrender and acknowledge our powerlessness over addiction

Whatever we do
We can’t give up on ourselves
We must hone spiritual powers
Practicing incisive honesty
Taking suggestions
Making the basic choices that we hear worked for others

As addicts we must be grounded in love
We must evolve beyond old thinking
Creative schemes that kept us enslaved to the next hit

Remembering that the opposite of addiction is not abstinence
It is the potent radiance of authentic connection

Alone I don’t have the power to stay clean
But I have a fierce recovery posse
A community of addicts dedicated to staying clean

Together we prove that another world is possible
Together we realize dreams beyond our wildest imagination
Surviving the maelstrom of relapse and recovery

visual inspiration by Chema Mendez: @mendezmendezart on X
–BYPO PHOENIX c)2025