Depression can be a demon. Andrew Solomon famously described it as the “Noonday Demon”—a beast that can leave you miserable even though you are held in positive relationships, or surrounded by an idyllic environment. Depression can be toxic, but it is also a pervasive fact of life. There is no […]
depression
13 posts
Earlier this week an unusual line of analysis came through me. I started to wonder if addiction might be a useful lens for understanding depression. Depression is a profoundly painful experience. But could it be addictive? Could this lens help people move through depression and heal? I am influenced by […]
These highs like cocaine I reject emotional painMy brain got that fix Appearance flaunted in vain Reckless impulsivity Believing myself a higher being Careless of my words Leaving wounds of hurt feelings A vacuum for human energy Festering hysterical powerOverwhelming irritability My paranoia grows louder Delusions fill my head As this world slows around meVoices deranged With evil […]
Unsettling facesFamiliar truthsFlocks of sheepAnalyzing me I know they judgeTheir eyes tell me soFalse reciprocationCould be so Seeking acceptanceYet quick to judgmentMisunderstoodThoughts repugnant Master of mind readingSocially repellantA breeding ground for lonelinessSoul left unsatisfied Unhealthy ways of protectionWith fear to changeMy closed minded tendenciesDespondent thoughts deranged ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Visuals art by […]
Your voice propheticYour spirit magneticGoth boy fireYour energy electric I look you in your eyesLike I know your painToxins flood your veinsSongs of guilt and shame Trying not to cry too loudWeeping in silenceSearing pain in your gutWords to speak like violence Cocaine lined upHiding deadly secretsLonging to be heardYearning […]
I am hereI should have died I jumped from Key BridgePlummeting into the Potomac RiverThere was ice in the water I should have diedBut I am here I remember jumpingI remember a torrid confluence of emotion Misery, desperation, disconnection Then I remember salvationA man pulled me from the waterAn ambulance […]
We are raised to venerate familyIt is said that we are equally related within our nuclear familiesEqually related to our parents and to our siblings Genetically this is trueBut energetically and spirituallyI know there is no one closer to me than my brother By a bit less than four yearsI […]
This is raw emotionBarely processed reflexive emotionFeelings swimming amidst violent cliffsLurching in divergent directionsSeeking cathartic expressionSeeking connection We loved youWe loved you fiercelyIf only you could have felt the joy of youThe humility and vulnerabilityThe visceral presence of connection Ultimately there is no logicWe cannot know your final feelingsWe cannot […]
You are thunder amidst the rainYou swim in the river that keeps me saneErotic power flows through your veinsWe recover from apocalypseWith whatever remains Your image evokes the carnalLicentious gym sexYou pulsate with intensityYou flirt and seduce–grind and flex Deep within transformations emergeOrganic and orgasmic fluids convergeTime stands still awaiting […]
This is my chosen place to write—it is close to my heart: my trust muscle I sit at the convergence of two rivers and marvel at the magic of the water’s constant motion—maybe this is a metaphor I seek energy from the intricate swirls of wood composing the wharf like […]
i have tried to cry for days, just feeling that grief is the right feeling to feelemotive songs have helped me choke up for protracted moments, but again and again the feelings pass and my mind clearsi wonder why i am not more ground down by this–why i am not […]
Our vibe is subtle, electric, and wildYour warmth is deeply attractive and your charms make me smile You are an ancient people’s warrior king and a cybernetic genius’ childWe are bonded by the related demons that teem within our minds We have shared common struggles and bared vulnerable soulsWe seek […]
alone with my emotions, i am wracked by malaise i contend with my demons clothed in varied shades of grey i summon my defenses from near and far away i imagine a present moment where i don’t yearn for what i crave after two years living on dopamine, i am […]