Letter to Ahmed

You were a pillar of my life
For more than twelve years
I swam in your waters
Guided by a prophetic light

Your conviction was contagious
Your energy visceral
Your power of persuasion electric and magnetic

Now that you have passed
I feel a painful absence
Aching like an excised limb
This transformative project of ours unfinished

I feel pain because I owe you an apology
The end of my time as a comrade and co-conspirator was bitter

But that does not excuse my vitriol
My manic denunciations and protestations
Claiming a Pyrrhic victory
Excoriating you and your tribe

I wish I could tell you now what you meant to me
I wish I could tell you that when I was first floridly manic
On the precipice between genius and psychosis
I first thought of you
Wondering if any in our tradition felt this psychic wildfire

I felt your eyes and your inner fire
Your personality and character were an anchor
Helping me stabilize amidst a sea of dysphoria

I am glad to hear
Through your son
That you found joy in your last years

My heart warms at this knowledge
Amidst all of the turbulent political fallout
You were able to be a loving father and partner
You were able to find your level
Moving through the waters of revolution

In this story
There is both triumph and tragedy
I feel pulsations of regret and empathy

It is always important to see the best in people
Especially so when they pass
Eviscerating the dead is a loathsome endeavor
Sport for the callous, the narrow-minded, and the myopic

I choose to remember you at your best
I choose to remember the comrade i loved and deeply respected
Moments when you wove a tapestry of materialist theory and pulsating emotion
Moments when the tides of your passion moved my spirit and awakened my mind

You gave so much of your life to the struggle
So much of your life to those you loved
Those close to you who loved you fiercely
And those you never met in whose image you fought to create a world

That struggle continues
Carrying with it pieces of your offerings
So in that you live on

You live in our memories
You live through your son
You live in what we do now
You live in my blood water
Crafting the sacred architecture of liberation

–BYPO PHOENIX c)2023