I come to the deep blue black of my river
I come to take my inventory
To get honest
To get radically honest
It is the night of the summer solstice
I feel called to illuminate my inner world
Called to reflect our sun’s infinite light
I shine this light on the emotions I wish myself rid of
I shine it on guilt and remorse—shame and blame
Rigorous radical honesty is work
But it is also powerful and liberating
I continually catch my addict brain trying to prevaricate
Trying to omit vital information
Trying to exaggerate
Concocting narratives polluted by mendacity
I am at a crossroads
I am applying for a professional license
I have had to disclose much of the wreckage of my past
The disease of addiction held me captive for most of twenty years
Years littered with arrests, drug testing, and serious ethical transgression
I have done my part in this process
I am now powerless
I turn my fate over to my higher power
I pray for deeply rooted gratitude for the blessings in my life
For my family’s unrelenting support
For humility and vulnerability
For the open-mindedness required to remain teachable
And for my beautiful tribe of recovering addicts
This is my solstice prayer
I pray for the insight to deepen my level of honesty
With others and with myself
Radical honesty is potent synergy
Amplifying our capacity to withstand apocalypse
Our capacity to create a radiant and sustainable new world
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–BYPO PHOENIX c)2022
