love and hate

24 posts

VANGUARD GRAFFITI

Colors connive as spirits revive We are shackled by trauma locked deep inside We heal from our pasts and rebuild our lives The rhythms of recovery dance and collide   This magical orange suggests hope and liberation Love and trust reopen gates of imagination We find joy in eye contact: […]

TRUST MUSCLE: a journal entry

This is my chosen place to write—it is close to my heart: my trust muscle…I sit at the convergence of two rivers and marvel at the magic of the water’s constant motion—maybe this is a metaphor I seek energy from the intricate swirls of wood composing the wharf like so […]

CYBERPUNK DIASPORA

dancers stomp, twist, and writhe—giving voice to desires pent up deep inside…we long to rise as one and mobilize—our subaltern armies will rule the night… our democracy is plagued and under siege—we need cyberpunk power to keep the peace…nazis and fascists will come rolling deep—but our samurai neurodivergents have a […]

EXTRAVAGANT ATTRACTION

your eyes make me smile and your hips make me wild—this hard house pulsation leaves me hot, hung, and wired…erotic reverberations stomp, grind, and fly—you are showing me your divine spark, your chakras, and your third eye… i seek the guidance of my higher power and shed the illusion of […]

BARRICADE FREAKS

we are barricade freaks rocking prada in the street—we style our rage in platinum shades shining strong and rolling deep…the sacred healing we seek amplifies our quest for psychic peace—our erotic tectonics seduce the commanders of our dreadnought fleet…as barricade freaks we charge ferociously into the streets—we dodge rubber bullets […]

TURBULENCE

In this moment, I am a hot mess of regret, anxiety, and desire With boundaries collapsed I don’t know how to recompartmentalize I don’t know what to think or believe about my inner self I struggle alone at night: mourning the passing of a dearly held aspiration But I don’t […]

TRYING NOT TO FALL

if you see me leave early or hesitate to make eye contact if i seem reticent to express too much affection that’s just me trying not to fall in love again if i appear caught up in my head stuck between worlds and moments afraid of my deepest self and […]

VIOLATION

  desecration and violation—toxic psychic devastation…caustic pain is in gestation—blocking love and trust and creation…so much to learn if i dig in deep—boundaries i have transgressed perpetrated on me…i swarm with feeling dirty and emotionally unclean—i pray for tears to flow and sanctify my scarred body…we need transformational solutions to […]

LOVE SONG #4: the kygo suite

baby it hit so hard, I’m holding on to my chest–maybe you left your mark, reminding me to forget…it doesn’t matter where you are, you can keep my regret…baby I got these scars, reminding me to forget–you left your mark reminding me to forget the pain of our past weighs […]

GHOSTS: a riff on the emotional subterranean

echoes of emotion transgress my heart and mind—i feel currents of suppressed attraction in confluence deep inside….the erratic logic of passion convolutes and overflows—i struggle with conflicting desires contorting my soul…like a ghost your words still haunt me—conjuring aspirations long buried deep…visions of angels consume my whole body—hoping my confusion […]

A SURVIVOR’S MANIFESTO

its been more than three years since i jumped off key bridge—almost ending a life that at the time felt so tortured…never consciously suicidal i was caught in a visceral panic attack following a dream that felt like a premonition of a torturous shift at the georgetown establishment known as […]

OF STABILIZERS AND STIMULENTS

thoroughly consumed by manic zen my imagination is flying free…i pray that the lithium will do its work and keep the most perilous demons buried deep…psychopharmacology is a science but its practice is mostly an art–finding the right cocktail involves many detours and innumerable false starts…the brain and body are […]

RITES OF FIRE: pyrotechnic meditation

we are slaves to technology—and to the class in control…we transcribe a new pedagogy—reclaiming the creative human soul…the ancient rites of fire deserve a postmodern rebirth…fire destroys but it also gives birth…i meditate to flames fueled by wax and harder drugs—i will my mind to find peace—to look inward and […]

BLAST FEMME

platinum-clad ladies vogue at the discotheque–leaving all the boys pining–hard-wired horned and wet…we rock the dance floor pounding hard with no regrets…we throw elbows and claim our space turning tricks and turning heads…femmed-out men in full length skirts–queering power branding fame…making it seductive and making it work–ensuring that every street […]

PROPHETIC SCREAM

a child star—a cosmic gift—left ensnared by celebrity’s kiss…a prophetic scream—a scream of hope and rage—dancing in ecstasy on the stage…brother michael gone far too soon—our world misses his passion, his genius, his croon…tortured by bigotry—scarred so deep…his life inspires while his body sleeps…a soul immortal—blessed with divine energy—the king […]

KING OF RAGE

ANGEL OR DEMON DEVIL OR SAINT YOU TAKE WHAT YOU WANT RAGE RULES YOUR BRAIN LIKE A MONSTER YOU KILL DISMEMBERING YOUR CROWN CONSUMING YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP DESECRATING SACRED GROUND NARCISSISTIC AND HATEFUL LOST INSIDE YOUR HEAD FOREVER A VICTIM SO RARELY A FRIEND EACH TIME HOPE RETURNS YOU REMIND […]

A MONSTA RIFF

Monster boy ate my heart Ate my love tore it apart Left me dancing in the dark Bathed in tears like noah’s ark Ate my heart then ate my brain Took my love and gave me pain Sucked my blood and made it rain Cold case love gone insane Te […]

AGENTS OF KARMA

In the beginning was the word And the word was death Or maybe life or death to all life And ADAMA was born Toy soldier of divine clay Neither man nor woman just fine in its way ADAMA was cleaved in two by fire Lightning strike from Zeus on high […]

HOSTILITY

I imagine now That hitting something Or someone Would be an immense relief Anger courses through my mind Exploding irrationally Over perceived acts of inconsideration I imagine blood Probably my own Demanding a response I wonder if hospitalization Would bring relief Or at least concern These emotions are toxic And […]

ADDICTION

Its as easy To abuse a person As to abuse a substance To become addicted To a particular prism Through which to view oneself I breathe deeply And try to let go Of the compulsion I feel To connect incessantly And learn to carve independent space For my own thoughts […]

PETRIFIED

Not knowing how you are But fearing the worst I am paralyzed by ghosts of past tragedies Anger, guilt, and shame are toxic emotions Constricting breath and repelling human contact I pray to any spirit that will listen For your safety As I write I feel the threat of tears […]

BECOMING PHOENIX

To write again is a struggle A struggle to give voice to months Entombed in passivity Lacerated by loneliness Bored to tears by the endless drumming rhythm Of isolation Awakened again I hear angels inside Quickening the blood Recharging adrenaline Reemerging to find friends eager to embrace A revived personality […]

Reflections on Lost Time

Psychic pain consumes my brain Haunting caustic always the same Rhythms change but grey remains The color cloaking blood and veins Walking wounded I’m ashamed Of all the things I’ve done in vain Of all the promise laid to waste Of foolish dreams I wish erased Flying high I fell […]

LINES and BARS

accepting rejection dissecting connection i seek absolution but crave affection alone in a jail cell trapped in a living hell pain my new master learning rules faster limiting creativity haunted by divinity battered by humility ready to live simply humiliated by reality shocked by my capacity still seeking evolution but […]